Journal entry June 22, 2004 "Every night before I go to bed I look over to the baby cradle, and how I long to see my baby sleeping there next to me. I am sad tonight because it is another night that I go to sleep with a piece of my heart missing. I am so worn down with emotion, it is consuming my every thought. I do not regret starting this process, but I am beginning to wonder if there is indeed light at the end of this tunnel. Right now I don't see it. I am trying to stay positive, but it is so hard...Lord I'm desperate!!!"
This was written 6 days before I held my baby boy for the very first time!!!! At the time it was written it felt like it would be an eternity before I would ever have a complete heart, and a complete home. At this point I had no idea what God had in store for us. I was beginning to question His grace, His time, and His promises! I had to push that all out of my mind, and rebuke the devil for trying to take my focus off of what the Lord wanted for me! Fast forward to 6 days later and my phone rang...it was time to meet our baby! We had no idea when to expect this call, and had no clue that we had been selected to be the proud parents of the most beautiful boy ever. BUT we also had been selected to be the proud parents tothe most gorgeous little girl God had ever created! We got the call that our sweet boy was ready to come home that night, and we would get pictures and information about our daughter also! What an awesome God we serve! We were blessed with not one but TWO babies! If someone had told me when I wrote this entry that I was going to have a son and a daughter all at once, I would have never believed them! God took my hurt, my desperation, and my broken, shattered heart and He took away the pain, gave me hope, and healed and restored my heart...all with one phone call! It was still a long and rough road until everything was final, but once again He was our guide, He was our shield, and our deliverer! Yes He was all of those things to us before,but I didn't really understand His grace until we went through all of this. Let the Lord guide you, seek His face, His timing, and it WILL all work out for His glory and honor! In the meantime we have to be desperate for what He has in store for us and where He wants to take us, and He WILL bless you in ways you only dreamed of!!!
"...My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness..."
2 Corinthians 12:9
