Monday, October 18, 2010

It's just not fair!

I know we have all heard a million and one times that life isn't fair....and it's true! There were somethings I went through as a child that I thought had "damaged" me forever! Today I got the confirmation that I needed that even though I know what happened to me was NOT what God wanted to happen...but that He can use even that for His glory!!!! Wow! It was very humbling to me today when the Lord spoke these words to me..."I brought you to a place where I could use you the most" it had dawned on me before and I always knew that God had a plan in all of our desires and struggles to be a family, but I have to admit I didn't always take comfort in that, because I couldn't see how! And then when everything fell into place, I was in absolute awe of what a mighty God we serve! And then today it was affirmed to me again that God specifically designed MY children for ME!!! He knew the plan He had, and He knew what my children needed in a mother and father and I am so humbled that He chose us! It may take time, trials, and lots of turmoil to get to the place where the Lord wants you, but once you are there it is amazing! I still don't know what God has in store for us, or our children all I know is I am so blessed to have them, and to know that God is using me on a daily basis. Not just as a mama and a caregiver, but as a mentor, a light in the darkness, and that He is using what I went through as a child to minister to them!!! I never thought anything good would ever come out of the trauma I experienced as a young girl, or out of our battle with infertility...man has He proved me wrong!!!! The moral of this story is, hang in there, hold tight to Jesus, trust in HIS plan, and sit back and enjoy getting your butt handed to you by the Lord!!!! He will come through, He will make something more beautiful than you ever imagined come out of this, I am living proof!!!!
"...There you will be rescued, there the Lord will redeem you from the power of your enemies!" Micah 4:10

Friday, October 8, 2010

Words are hurtful...

It is still hard for me to come to grips with women who constantly complain about their pregnancy, their children, breastfeeding, how much work it is to be a mother, etc. While I do not ever expect the world to revolve around me and my feelings, it is hard because I sit back and think "gosh I would've cut off my right arm to be able to have those 'problems'! Words are very powerful, and can cut you to the core! It seems that anytime a group of women get together there are two things we/they talk about...1. pregnancy/childbirth 2. husbands! Now the second one I can relate to, but the first one just cuts me! While I usually sit silently and listen to the "complaints" I want to slap everyone of them and scream at the top of my lungs!!! And then they will start asking me questions and either I am in a position to tell my whole life story, or I am in a position to lie so as not to be the "different" one! I know some very good mothers who I know love their children more than life itself, but still treat me like I am not as worthy to be a mother as they are. I still don't tell many people that my children are adopted. Not that I am ashamed of it at all...it was the biggest blessing I could have ever recieved. But because other women just look at me and think I can't relate. Or they want to know every single detail of my children, and their history and it is none of their business!!! It's a hard position to be in, so most of the time I stay silent and try and avoid the topic. My children grew inside of me just as much as the next persons...they grew in my heart! but most people just don't understand! And then to hear mother's say things about their children, and how they just can't wait for them to go to school, or daycare, or leave them with a sitter every chance they get, again I want to slap them silly! Alot of people just don't understand what a blessing their children are! My kids are my world, but there is also alot that comes with having children who are not biologically linked to you. Medical history, disorders that run in the family, questions the children ask, etc. I will never ever regret how my children came to be mine, they were hand picked by God Himself for me!!! I just wish people would have more respect for others feelings! Children are a blessing, especially mine!
"....They must consider the needs of others. They must be kind and gentle toward all people." Titus 3:2